We all know when riding on long trips, every little bit of weight can slow you down. Here we reveal secrets that some of the pros use to reduce weight and maintain energy.
1. Trim your shoelaces; their shortening will shave as much as 20 grams, while also removing the potential hazard of getting caught in your pedals.
2. Tossing out valve caps will shed 4 precious grams.
3. Bike locks add considerable weight. We suggest the following alternatives guaranteed to lighten your load:
a) prop an open bag of pork rinds against the frame
b) apply a liberal coating of bodily fluid to the entire frame: sweat, spit, ear wax, snot and anything you see fit
c) cover the frame with Huffy stickers
d) leave chewing gum on the handlebars and saddle.
e) cover the entire bike in plastic, add some talcum powder, and place a sticker on it that says “biohazard.”
4. Use a hacksaw to cut down your handlebars to the bare minimum. Remove all grips/tape.
5. File down those bolts. It may make it difficult for you to remove them later, but think of the valuable grams you won't have to carry. To shave even more weight, try replacing some bolts with zip ties.
6. Don't just shave your arms and legs; trim your nose hairs, toe hairs, ear hairs, eyelashes, eyebrows, and soul patch. Such hairs add weight and friction!
7. A good snot rocket will remove excess bodily fluids you don't want to be carrying along.
8. Have your dentist extract your 2nd and 3rd molars; you have plenty of other teeth to chew with. Also ask your dentist about replacing fillings with titanium racing fillings.
9. Butt your fingernails and toenails so that they are thick at the edges where you need them and thin in the middle where they serve no purpose. This will remove roughly 3 grams.
10. Try to turn single-use items into multi-tools. For example, a screwdriver could be used as a bottle opener, fingernail cleaner, toothpick, back scratcher, Q-tip, weapon, probe, and BBQ skewer.
11. Finally, there are a number of body tissues and organs for which we have no need. These include: gall bladder, appendix, tonsils, and other redundant parts. Some of these are adding considerable weight you just don't need to be carrying. Don't believe me? Just ask Lance Armstrong, six-time winner of the Tour De France!
