A genuine OFFICIAL thing-to-put-in-my-spokes-and-make-noise device! That’s a "T.T.P.I.M.S.A.M.N.D." for short. Try saying it fast while holding your tongue, while standing on your head, while doing your taxes. Ughn. Now my stream of consciousness has reminded me I still have to do my taxes. Great. Thanks a lot, brain.

Anyway, here’s how it works:

1. CAREFULLY remove your worthless copy of Ghostride from the amazing prize.

2. Use the cable ties included to attach the card to your bike. NOT JUST ANYWHERE! Put it next to your spokes, that way when you ride, you sound like you’re on a REAL MOTORCYCLE! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

3. Ride your NEW MOTORBIKE to the toughest biker hangout within fifty miles of your home.

4. Go up to the biggest guy there and ask him if he wants to race for pink slips. Throw a drink in his face when he chickens out.

5. If you did not get cable ties with your prize, then blame it on mother of the guy at the biker bar.

6. F-R-E-A-K - O-U-T!